Pregnancy Week 18 – Abnormality Scan

Dear Squidgy,

I haven’t written in a couple of weeks, because, honestly, there’s not been a huge amount to say.  Now there’s so much to say I’m just a bit overwhelmed by it all, really.

I think I’ve decided in the last week that pregnancy is not for me. Obviously I’m thrilled to be having you, and I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, but pregnancy…. Nope. I suck at it.

Squidgy, 18 weeks and 5 days, by scan dates....

I’ve experienced something over the last few weeks I’ve never experienced before: mood swings. I have been sad, able to burst into tears for no particular reason, I’ve been angry, snappy and irritable. It’s been a nightmare. I’ve been a nightmare to live with, I think. I know I was irritable around 31 weeks last time, but this is crazy. Just today a woman in the parking lot confronted me for having parked her in, and I flew off the handle, asking her if it would make her life easier if I moved the car? But I wasn’t particularly nice about it, and in retrospect I’m horribly embarrassed and honestly have no idea what came over me. I’ve NEVER done that before.

Autumn in England

There are many things about life and living in the UK that it seems, even after eight years, that I will just never get on board with. There are things that make me realise painfully, that this is not home. (Home isn’t home any more either, but at least it’s familiar.) But there is something I have in the UK that I do not have in South Africa, and that is an immense freedom.  I realised that again today as Ameli and I walked along a canal and we took in and loved our environment.

If money was no object for me, I would spend January, February, March and April in South Africa, and May, June and November and December each year in England, because Spring is the most beautiful in England, and Autumn is hard to compare to anywhere else I’ve been.

Today I remembered my love for Autumn in England and for the freedom to be without fear …

We went for a walk along the canal

We went for a stroll along the canal...

Watching the ducks

... where we stopped often...


... to observe the wildlife...

examining a spider

...and get up close with the spiders and insects...

smelling the flowers

...and to really smell the flowers...


... and explore our world as we go...

...then stopping to share a well-earned hot chocolate....

…. before heading home for a two-hour nap.

These are the great moments. The ones I don’t want to take for granted.


Playgroup Monster Mama

Yes. That’s me. Or it was, today.

I’m a firm believer in Ameli’s playtime. I’m a firm believer that she needs to be around other children. I’m a firm believer that she needs to learn to share. I’m a firm believer that she can’t have the best toys to herself at all times. I’m a firm freakin’ believer that she should stand her ground when whiny snot-nosed crying little boys try and take her toys off her.

Or, apparently, so I found out today.

Dear Squidgy – Pregnancy Week 16

Dear Squidgy,

I honestly can’t believe how incredibly quickly time is going, and I can’t believe that I’m sixteen weeks pregnant already! We’re almost half way now – in a few more week, anyway, and I’m just flabbergasted at how ridiculously fast it’s all going. Soon you’re going to be here, and once again, life is going to change completely.

So much has happened for me in the last few weeks. I’ve made plans for my future, and with it yours. I’ve decided what I’m going to do for income, and for contributing to our family’s future. Trust me to start planning a new business to launch just as I go into the 3rd trimester of pregnancy. I’ve never made things easy for myself. But I’m excited about it. And you’ll be plenty involved at first – but I’ll tell you more about it another time.

Breastfeeding During Pregnancy

Every woman’s experience of both breastfeeding and pregnancy differs. As a result, it’s impossible to predict what it would be like for you. There is a very common thread, however, in the experiences of other mothers ‘pain’. *see the end of this post for links to some other experiences.

While I felt a certain amount of sensitivity around my nipples in the first trimester, it was never so bad that I even considered giving up (although due to Hyperemesis Gravidarum, I considered forced weaning). However, as we’ve approached and passed 16 weeks of pregnancy, the pain associated with latching on and off has become relatively excruciating, and I’ve found myself grimacing like never before during nursing.

Another problem I experienced in the first trimester was that nausea increased during breastfeeding, and I’d sometimes have to unlatch my daughter to vomit.

Dear Ameli– Letter to a 23 month old

Hello beautiful girl.

You are 23 months old! In just one month, you are going to be a two year old. I can’t even begin to tell you how that fact flabbergasts me.

We’ve spent the last month in South Africa, and you’ve just blossomed. Aunty Deshaine saw you four weeks ago, and this week again and she can’t believe how much you’ve changed in just that time. You have new words, many of them, and your comprehension is phenomenal. You know what things mean – like if I say we’ll see aunty Desh on Monday, and you see her, you will ‘remind’ me, that it’s Monday and there’s aunty Desh. It’s amazing. You amaze me.

I guess being here, being played with, being in the sun, active and involved with the world around you has made a big impact, since you have been so much better at sleeping this month. You normally go down for a nap in the day, and at night there’s no fight about sleeping. It’s been wonderful. Refreshing, and wonderful.

Pregnancy Week 15

Dear Squidgy,


It’s 15 weeks, and so far, all’s going well. I am still sick if I don’t take the meds, but we’re doing okay.  I’ve gained all the weight I lost from being sick, and feeling a little on the frumpy side again, but I also attribute that to five weeks of holiday.

Something great has happened though: I’ve started to feel you move! I know it’s supposed to be early but either you’re moving or there’s something loose in there! I lie in bed at night, and I can feel a little round beneath my naval, a firm hardness that I know contains you. I lie there and I wait for those flutters, and they always come. I’m thrilled to finally have a real awareness of you. It’s finally becoming real.

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