struggle

Vulnerability

I want to lay myself bare in front of someone. Not bare as in naked. I’m happy to keep my clothes on, but to be completely known. To be known without fear.

Maybe that’s only possible with someone new. Someone you’ve only just met. Before the judgements start, and before they know your whole life story.  Maybe that’s a freedom that can only come from someone only knowing you in this context or in this space. Or is that the opposite of being truly known. But with knowledge comes shame. It’s why Adam and Eve covered themselves in the garden of Eden. They became aware of their nakedness, were ashamed, and covered themselves with leaves.

Why is nakedness, shame, knowledge and vulnerability so incredibly intertwined?

Being loved and cared for is precious and having people who love you because or in spite of your vulnarabilities is beautiful, but it’s also burdened. Is there a way of laying yourself bare without being vulnerable? Not really. Not when it’s your soul you’re talking about. The very core of you.

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Why Doesn't 'Stay At Home' a Resume Make?

I am having a hard day as a mother. I can’t complain really. The last time I felt this way was back in January and honestly twice in eight months is pretty good going.

But still, today my daughter is very needy, moany, whiney and generally tearful. I think it would be okay if I didn’t have a to do list as long as, well, four A4 landscapes and hadn’t been up with her since just before 4am.

I guess my patience is wearing thin and my mantle of motherhood needs a bit of spit and polish, because I am feeling a little frayed around the edges.

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